


Solace

by HomunColoss



Series: Seamus' story [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Crush, M/M, Possibly Pre-Slash, Unrequited Love, solace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 05:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4292685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomunColoss/pseuds/HomunColoss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I thought I was over it. But seeing them snog in the common room – it fucking hurt."</p><p>When Dean starts dating Ginny, Seamus has to realize that he is in fact not over his crush as he had hoped. Luckily Colin is there to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solace

**Author's Note:**

> Happens towards the end of Order of the Phoenix. So Seamus is in his 5th, Colin in his 4th year.
> 
> I'm no native speaker and I'm by far not good enough to write irish dialect for Seamus. Just imagine it while reading.  
> Also Kudos and most of all Comments are welcome and greatly appreciated.

Colin was just about to enter through the portrait of the Fat Lady when the portrait swung open and somebody came storming out and ran into him, sending them both stumbling to the floor.  
"Oh sorry! I was in thoughts and I wasn't looking. Are you okay?" Only now Colin looked up to see it was Seamus he collided with and judging by the look on his face and his bleary eyes the other boy must have really hurt himself in the fall.  
"Seamus are you hurt? I'm so sorry." He apologized again as he pulled his legs out of the tangle of limbs to get up. Seamus only shook his head and mumbled an almost inaudible "I'm fine", but did nothing to get up himself until Colin held out his hand to help him up.  
"You sure that you're not hurt? I mean you don't really look okay to me. Maybe we should get you to Madam Pomfrey to get you checked out. Come on, I'll come with you."  
Seamus looked completely miserable with his hanging shoulders and his hurt expression. "That's nothing Madam Pomfrey has a spell or a potion for Colin.", he sighed, "Just leave me alone."  
with that Seamus turned and went in the direction of the main stairwell downstairs.  
Colin looked after him for a moment, contemplating what to do before he resolved to follow him.  
Colin and Seamus weren't friends, not really since they were in different years, but they were friendly with each other, they talked and sometimes they even played cards or exploding snap together.  
But now, Seamus who normally was such a positive person and was always in a good mood – well except in the morning, every Griffindor knew that there was no sense in talking to the irish boy before he had his breakfast – and always had some joke or funny line on the lips and a slightly mischievous smile on his face, he had looked and sounded so sad, hopeless, resigned, that Colin couldn't just shrug it off and leave him alone but simply had to try to make it better somehow, whatever it was that had upset the other so much. Also Colin was good at listening to others pouring their hearts out.

He followed Seamus at a distance so that he wouldn't give the impression he was chasing him.  
Seamus left through the east-entrance and set out to the small ruins of what had once been a tower or something on a little hill between the Great Lake and the southernmost part of the Forbidden Forrest where he sat down leaning back at the crumpled wall.  
When Colin arrived and asked if he could sit he simply shrugged. Colin made himself comfortable beside Seamus.  
"That's a really nice place."  
Seamus said nothing just watched the scene before them, where the castle throned over the Lake, surrounded by the Forrest and in a slight distance by the mountains, overhung by gray clouds that would likely bring rain tonight or tomorrow.  
They just sat beside each other in silence for a few minutes before Colin started again; "Look, I know you told me to leave you alone and I can go if you want. But you sounded so miserable I thought perhaps you want to talk about it? Sometimes just talking about something helps to make you feel better. So if you want to talk I'll listen."  
Silence fell again and after a few minutes Colin considered getting up and going back to the castle when Seamus finally said something.  
"I thought I was over it."  
It wasn't much more then a whisper and Colin didn't know what to do with it. "What?" he asked carefully. And this time Seamus answered a bit louder:  
"I thought I was over it. But seeing them snog in the common room – it fucking hurt."  
Okay, so he was hung up on some girl but since Colin hadn't seen what was going on in the Common Room earlier it could have been almost anybody. When it didn't look like Seamus would go on by himself Colin decided to prod a little. "Who?"  
Seamus just stared at his feet, opening his mouth as if to speak and closing it again.  
"I won't make fun of you, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."  
Seamus didn't look up, instead he plucked at a few blades of grass as he answered. "Dean and Ginny. They were snuggling and kissing in front of the fireplace. And it somehow really got to me. I don't know why. I really thought I was over it."  
Colin looked up. Dean and Ginny were together? He hadn't seen this coming – or at least not so fast. Not when not even two weeks ago Ginny had talked to him about wanting to ditch Michael, her Ravenclaw boyfriend. Sometimes it seemed that every boy in their age-group wanted something from Ginny. But he was drifting off, he should concentrate on the problem at hand.  
"I know Ginny is really good looking and great and all, but there's no use in being hung up on her. Let her go. There are -"  
"It's not Ginny." Seamus interrupted him in an almost whisper, looking away from Colin in the other direction, nervously playing with the plucked out grass. 

"It's Dean", he added even quieter this time.  
"Oh!" Colin jumped a little at the unexpected confession. Then understanding what this all entailed dawned upon him. "Oh. So are you...?", he started to ask softly before he trailed off. He shouldn't be prying. His Mom always told him that his curiosity would only bring him in trouble.  
Seamus answered nevertheless: "I... I don't know. I mean I'm not sure what I am." There was a little sob but Seamus was still turned in the other direction. "God" - more sobs - "I never wanted this – I never wanted to fall for my best friend"  
Colin was unsure how to react to the crying and hesitated for a bit before he awkwardly put his arm on the other's back.  
As soon as the soothing weight was there Seamus really crumbled, he was sobbing so much he couldn't get a word out and leaned in to cry against Colin's chest and shoulder, who rubbed comforting circles at his back.  
After minutes of assuring that "It's okay, Seamus. It's gonna be okay.", the sobbing slowly subsided and Seamus looked up, wiping away his tears. Colin reached for the tissues in his pocked, but before he got them out Seamus had already blown his nose into the sleeve of his robes.  
"Sorry for my outbreak. I got you all wet and snotty."  
"It's okay. Really. No Problem. I've been there and I know it can be really tough."  
"So it's true then? That you're...?"  
"Gay? Yes I am."  
"How did you figure it out?"  
"I don't know. I guess I somehow always knew. There wasn't one big dramatic light-bulb-moment when I realized I'm gay. I was never into girls and the rest came somehow gradually." Colin sighed, not knowing how to put into words how exactly it had been for him.  
"Oh. And have you told anybody? I mean you told me pretty straightforward so I think you told others before, right?"  
"Yeah, I've told some people. Actually the first was my little brother right after he started here. He overheard some guys calling me gay and sissy on the corridor and didn't know exactly what it meant so he asked me when we were alone in the evening and I explained it to him. Then he told me he doesn't know why this would be considered bad and said he would still love me even if I liked goblins or trolls, so I came out to him."  
"I wish I had a brother like this."  
"Yeah, he's cool even when he can be a real pain in the ass."  
"Have you told your parents?"  
"I told them last summer. They were pretty cool with it. Mom told me she already suspected and my Dad said it was much less a surprise then receiving my Hogwarts letter."  
"Not sure 'bout my Dad but my Mom would kill me if she knew. She's hardcore catholic. And I don't even want to think what my Gran would do. When my parents married she didn't even come to the wedding – not 'cause my Dad's a muggle, that's no problem, but because he isn't catholic.", at that Seamus looked quite downcast again: "And what about folks at Hogwarts? How did they react?"  
"Here I only told Ginny and Luna, she's a Ravenclaw, since I'm not really close to the boys in my year. I don't really want it to be a secret but I also don't want to just announce it to anybody. I know there's rumors and some people certainly suspect, but... yeah."  
"Yeah, you used to follow Harry around like a little duckling it's mother.", Seamus actually grinned a little at that.  
A small blush crept up Colin's cheeks: "I've had a little crush on him. Back then I didn't think it was that obvious."  
"Little crush? You were more like head over heels into him, especially after the basilisk-thing. I'm not sure how it could have gotten even more obvious. How did you get over it?"  
"It wasn't that bad... Besides it was mostly hero-worship and once I figured that out I was able to move on. Sorry I can't really help you there."  
"It's okay. Just talking with you about it sorta helps."  
"I'm glad I have been of any help then, but we should probably head back to the castle, it's almost time for dinner."  
Seamus stood and reached down to help pull Colin up. "That's a great idea, I'm starving. I didn't have time for lunch 'cause Snape made me clean after my kettle overboiled."

They spent their way over the grounds mostly gossiping and moaning over Snape and Umbridge.  
Before they reached the great hall Seamus stopped. "Thanks again. For listening you know and for telling me 'bout your experiences."  
"I told you that's no problem. When you want to talk you can just come to me." With that Collin turned to enter the hall but Seamus stopped him again:  
"You know, the last Hogsmeade-weekend is coming up and I don't really want to go with Dean and see him and Ginny together all the time. So I thought we could perhaps go together? As friends?"  
"I'm going with my brother and Luna, but you're welcome to join us if we're not to young and uncool to hang out with." Colin smiled a bit selfconscious.  
"Awesome. And you're not uncool. You're one of the nicest guys I know."  
Colin beamed at that as they entered the hall for dinner


End file.
